Forgive me I am new at this so if it seems a little long winded well then sue me.
The last eight years has taught me a lot about life, love and death. Lets start with life first. Being 31 and single for most of my life was never my plan, but when you have high standards and the dating pool cant define high standards you start to understand why I was single for so long. I have a good job, but not the one i went to IU for. I loved teaching, but evidently it wasnt meant to be, but the greatest thing in the world happened though for that short period of time. I connected deeply with a lot of people. Those would be my students. To this day, several years later, I see them at my other job remembering my name, even though i dont remember all of theirs, telling me how much I meant to them and how fun I made learning history. A lot of them tell me it isnt fair that i got let go, but that is life. I am just glad I made some difference in their lives and how it deeply affected me. I always have felt pride in my work, but this was different because it meant they were effected by my work and they liked it. Thats like pride times 112!! Anyway, onto love.
I have finally found love. She is an older woman, but not a cougar. She is mature career driven and just works well in my family. I am lucky and happy to have her in my life. So many other times i have been let down or screwed over by women. It got to be very frustrating that I almost figured I should just be alone and forget love since i have been hurt by it so many times before but she is into me and for a change I am not scared anymore to take that risk of having my feelings crushed. The last thing is always hard to talk about. Death.
I look at death as any young fool does. Who cares about it? I am invincible and having fun! At least that was my thinking for a while then life happened. Basically, my dad's entire family passed away. I know this has killed my dads soul for the most part just as a part of mine was killed as well. We buried my grandfather almost a year ago. My uncle and grandma passed a couple years before him. My dad's past died. His childhood. Sure he has memories, but no one to talk to about it when it happened. I loved hearing my grandma talk about when dad was little and how did the same "silly" stuff we did and that all children do. The funny part is that I am not a very brave man. I am what they call blend into the background guy, but has a lot of ideas. When it came time for people to speak at my grandpa's funeral his best friend got up and spoke first, but then nobody else would get up. I dont know what came over me, but I stood up. I couldnt let this happen to my grandpa. so i got up to the podium and spoke. One thing my grandparents did well was have family over for holidays, but when they got real old and sick we stopped having them all the time. When grandma died we didnt have them anymore at all. So most of these people i hadnt seen in years. So I got up there spoke up for one of the few times in my life and it was a great/sad experience. I fought back tears the whole time. Never knew it was so hard to say such great things about a man that i loved. He wasnt perfect by anymeans, but he was a great grandfather. I talked about how he loved making us breakfast and how my parents never got the idea that for us to get up bright and early at grandmas was to make us cinnamon toast with silver dollar pancakes. Truth be told we just wanted to absorb every minute with the grandparents. I said every word with love and kindness. i miss the man to this day, but what i realized that day was that i was no longer a child but a grown man. My childhood was now memories with my siblings. I think that day is why i got up to talk to show I wasnt the man in the back anymore but more of the man that speaks up, but mainly i spoke up because i wanted him to hear one last time just how much i loved him. I know how dad feels now when close family dies..means your getting old and part of your past is getting old too. The best thing is it got my dad to get up and speak to everyone get his mind clear and things off of his chest. He told me he was proud of me that day. I told him the same thing. Thats a memory that wont die.
As the days go by faster and faster it seems I remember a lot of the fun times i had in college with all of the fun and fine people i met. I know we all have had to go through some hell at some points in our life, but i hold and cherish those memories and not having to worry about "real" world issues and just being crazy college kids. this is just a snap shot into my life for now...i will type more in the future and thanks to becca for a great idea and being an inspiration to me..it isnt easy being an inspiration, but you make it look as easy a drunk sorority girl at nicks on a friday night. Goodnight all!
